DOWN DARKNESS TO THE UP BRIGHT

TRUST ME.

ITS HARD.
ITS HARD THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

ITS HARD THAN YOU THOUGHT.

ITS HARD TILL I ALMOST LOST MY MIND.

ITS HARD TILL IT MADE ME CRIED ALL NIGHTS.

ITS HARD TO STAND UP ND HELD MY HEAD UP AGAIN.

ITS HARD,

BUT NOT POSSIBLE TO RAISE UP AGAIN.

ITS UNPLANNED. AS I TOLD IN MY LAST POST, MY DAD GAVE ME 1 MONTH TO MOVED FROM THE HOUSE. BUT I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME THAT NIGHT. MAYBE BECAUSE I CANT SWALLOW ANY OF SHIT OR PAIN ANYMORE. I JUST WANTED TO GO OUT AND TAKE SOME TIME TO BE ALONE THAT NIGHT. AND I DONT KNOW HOW, SOMEHOW, I CANT STEP MY FEETS BACK HOME. I WAS FAR FROM KL. NEAR THE LAKE. ALONE AND CRYING TILL 4AM. MY PHONE BATTERY BOUT TO DIE. EVERYONE WAS CALLING ME AND TEXT ME AND ASKED ME WHERE AM I. I DIDNT REPLY ANY CALLS FROM FAMILY OR CLOSE FRIENDS. THEN I WENT TO ONE OF MY FRIEND HOUSE WHICH NO ONE KNOWS. THEY WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN THEY SAW ME. HOW MISERABLE MY LOOK. HOW BAD MY EYES BECAUSE OF CRYING ALL NIGHT NON STOP. I DIDNT EAT. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT. I CANT DO ANYTHING. I WAS SO DOWN. DOWN TILL I FELT LIKE WHY I WAS BORN IN THIS WORLD. I FORGOT ALLAH KNOWS WHAT BEST FOR ME. I DIDNT EAT PROPERLY. SLEEP WELL. CRIED AND CRIED. AND IM GRATEFUL TO HAVE SUCH A GOOD FRIENDS THAT TRIED TO CHEER ME UP. I BARELY SMILE AND LAUGH. I WAS FORGET HOW ACTUALLY. AND I QUIT MY JOB. AND I BECAME JOBLESS. THEN I WANTED TO MOVED TO ANOTHER PLACE THAT FAR FROM KL. OH MAYBE NOT THAT FAR. BUT THEN, THE AGENT CHEATED ON ME. DAMN. ITS SO SHIT. CUZ I ALREADY PACKED ALL MY THINGS. AND WAITED FOR MY AGENT. BUT HE DIDNT SHOW UP. AND GUESS WHAT, I WAS STAYING AT THE HOTEL FOR 2 MONTHS IN SUBANG JAYA. TRYING TO FIND A JOB BUT NO LUCK. 

THEN I MOVED TO SUNGAI BESI. I DONT KNOW WHY THE LUCK IS NOT ON MY SIDE, I CANT FIND A ROOM TO RENT. AND AGAIN. I RENT A HOTEL FOR 1 MONTH. TILL I BECAME SO BROKE. LUCKILY, I HAVE 2 BESTFRIENDS WHO ALWAYS CAME AND VISIT ME. BRING SOME FOOD. YOU DONT HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOSE MY WEIGHT. CRYING? WELL. ITS A ROUTINE BUT NOT MUCH AS THE EARLY PERIOD WHEN I LEFT THE HOUSE. I BECOME STRONGER AND ALWAYS PRAY TO ALLAH FOR THE BEST. 

THEN, ONE OF FRIEND ASKED ME TO MOVE WITH THEM IN CYBERJAYA. CUZ THEY KNOW HOW MUCH IM BROKE. I STAYED WITH THEM LIKE 1 MONTH. THEN, I FOUND A JOB AT AN ARAB RESTAURANT. I WORKED AS A WAITRESS, BUT TRUST ME IS SO CHALLENGING. WHY? I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH THEM, BUT EVERYONE WANTS ME TO BE THEIR GIRLFRIEND AND SOME OF THEM WANTED TO MARRY ME. HAHAHAHAHA. TILL I GOT SO ANNOYING AND I CHANGED TO WORKED IN A KITCHEN. SAME SHIT. BUT IT WAS A REALLY UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE EVER CUZ FOR THE FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE I HAD TO PULL THE GARBAGE TROLLEY ALL THE WAY THE SHOP LOT AND THROW IT AT THE GARBAGE AREA. TO BE HONEST, I WAS SO EMBARRASS, BUT THEN I WAS LIKE... 'COME ON, ITS A HALAL JOB. WHATS WRONG WITH IT' TILL I GET USED TO IT. BUT TRUST ME, IM SO FAMOUS AROUND THAT AREA BECAUSE IM THE ONLY MALAY GIRL WHO WORK LIKE THAT. 

THEN, I QUIT THE JOB. WHY? BECAUSE AFTER ALL THE REJECTION TO EVERYONE, THEY'RE MADE UP A BAD STORIES BOUT ME. WHICH IS IM A BITCH BECAUSE IM FROM KL. SERIOUSLY? GUYS, IM NOT AS PATIENT AS BEFORE. LOL. 

AFTER FEW MONTHS STAYING HERE. GUESS WHAT... ;LAST WEEK WAS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT EVER FOR ME WHERE ALL MY FAMILY TEXT ME AND SAID HOW SORRY THEY ARE ABOUT TREATED ME THAT BAD. BUT IM NOT SEEK FOR THE FORGIVENESS AS LONG AS THEY KNOW WHY I DO ALL OF THIS THING. 

OH, DO I TELL THAT I CUT ALL THE CONNECTION WITH EVERYONE I KNOW? ESPECIALLY MY LOVELY BESTFRIEND. OTHERS? SERIOUSLY CUT OFF. I CHANGED MY NUMBER. AND WALLAH, ITS SO HARD FOR ME TO STAND UP ALONE WITHOUT FAMILY SUPPORT. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE, I DID CUT MY HAND. NOT WRIST, BECAUSE I DONT WANNA DIE YET. ITS JUST THAT I JUST HATE MYSELF. LIKE EVERYTHING I DID IS JUST SO WRONG FOR ME. 

BUT HEY, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED AFTER MONTHS IVE BEEN SO PATIENT AND STRUGGLE? I GOT MY FAMILY BACK. AND THEY DONT EVEN QUESTION ANY OF MY DECISION. WHY? BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW I CAN SURVIVE OUT HERE WITHOUT THEM. NOW THEY CAN SEE MY CAPABILITY TO SURVIVE IN LIFE. 

SO, FROM ALL THIS LONG WORDS I TYPE. THERE IS ONE IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ALL OF YOU GUYS.

NO MATTER HOW HARD & BAD THE SITUATION IS, DEAL WITH IT AND ALWAYS BELIEVE ALLAH LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU EVER KNOW. EVERYTHING HAPPEN FOR A GOOD REASON IN FUTURE. AND IT ONLY MAKES YOU BECOME STRONGER MENTALLY. THERE WILL ALWAYS A BRIGHT FUTURE WAITING. TRUST ME, TRUST YOURSELF. TRUST ALLAH. 

PRAY TO ALLAH AND CRY IN FRONT OF HIM. ONLY HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH.